Worried. Stressed. Worried.
Both of my daughters are in college. One of them sent me an email this morning with the following list in it.
I felt my stress level going up, up, up just READING this!!!!!! And now I feel very worried!
How to Write a Paper. College Style.
'Twas the night before the deadline...
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Carefully read over the assignment. Underline or highlight any key instructions.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee so you can concentrate.
4. On the way back to your room, stop and visit with your friend from class. If he hasn't started his paper either, walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If, instead, he proudly shows off his paper- typed, double spaced, and bound in one of irritating see-through plastic folders- hurt him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it. Highlight it in a different color.
7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade- better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Inspect your teeth in the bathroom mirror. Floss. Twice.
9. Listen to one song on your favorite CD. And that's it. I mean it. As soon as its over start writing that paper.
10. Listen to the rest of the CD.
11. Rearrange all your CDs into alphabetical order.
12. Phone your friend to see if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.
13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor their special flavor. Choose at least three more highlighter colors.
15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile one TV. Note: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV- from Masterpiece Theater to Rocky and Bullwinkle- is truly worthwhile, with only two exception: a) Any show involving bowling; and b) any Suzanne Sommer's infomercial.
16. Look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
17. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
18. Open your door; check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
19. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
20. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
21. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
22. Lay face down on the floor. Moan and thrash about.
23. Leap up and write that paper as fast as you can type!
Did I mention I was worried now?