Silver Trappings

A Dumbbell in Walmart

Yesterday I went to Walmart. I wanted to get some Christmas shopping done. Close to the entrance, I stopped at a Christmas housewares area. I put a dark green tablecloth in my cart for Christmas. It was only $9, and it was the ONLY one in green that they had that would fit my table. This is a fact that you should remember.

My next stop was close by in the pharmacy area. My son has shot up this year, and is now taller than me. And the other day I looked over at him and realized that he had a little moustache! It is suddenly obvious. Well, this gave me a great stocking stuffer idea! I want to get him a razor, some extra blades, and some shaving oil. I think that sounds fun!.

I wanted to buy a razor that uses plain old Trac II blades. You know, like our husbands use. And our dads use. You can still by the generic brands of Trac II blades for about HALF the price of the name brand blades. So that is what I was looking for.

Did you know that they don't MAKE razors any more that use Trac II blades? They all use Mach 3 or Turbo Booster or Titanium or Quatro or Hydro or Nitro! I found the Trac II BLADES. But NO Trac II razors. All kinds of razors - and they all have 3 or 4 or 10 blades. No simple 2-bladers.

And at least HALF of the regular HAND-HELD razors had BATTERIES! WHAT?!?! These are not electric kinds. These are razors that you have to change out the blades - just like my husband's - just regular razors. Why in the WORLD do they have batteries?????

After staring and reading every label to see if ANY of them could use a plain old Trac II blade, I gave up. I had no idea that buying a razor could be so perplexing.

I turned around to get my cart. It was gone. Along with the only green tablecloth that Walmart had that would fit my table. I walked all around that area looking for my cart. Then I walked all around looking for the tablecloth, hoping that someone had taken the cart and just set the tablecloth down somewhere. Couldn't find it. Got another cart.

Went to the toothbrush aisle. I thought I would put a new toothbrush holder in everyone's stocking. They only had one style. So I got five of them. While putting them in my cart, I tried to open one to make sure I liked it. The top wouldn't open, the side wouldn't open. I pushed and pulled. I finally realized that you had to slide the inside piece out the top - like a straw inside a straw.

I felt so dumb by now. I can't buy a razor. And I can't open the toothbrush holder.

So I went to combs. I wanted some short, black, plain men's combs. To put in my son's and husband's stockings. Just because theirs tend to get mangled from always being in their pockets. They have a lot of combs at Walmart. All shapes and sizes and colors. I searched. Just when I was about to give up and walk away, I saw one, lone, short, black men's comb way up high.

My next stop was women's clothes. To look for pajamas for my daughters. No cute pajamas there.

But I saw hose. I stopped at the hose - I need some new hose. But hold on!!! Because I blog, I have learned much. The latest tidbit I learned was about hose. For the life of me, I cannot remember whose blog this discussion was on - but it was just this week. She had bought a very pretty brown dressy dress, and had asked for advice on the color of hose to buy. She had dozens of comments - by far most of them said "no hose." "Nobody wears hose now." "No hose - just SPRAY some COLOR on your legs."

What??? Spray? Color? Is this like a liquid hose??? Since when did people stop wearing hose? I always wear hose. I thought only teens and young 20's went without hose. And that is because they have pretty legs.

So I stared at the hose. Wonder where they keep the liquid hose?

This is all too complex. So I left without a razor or hose or a tablecloth, and with only one plain black men's comb. But I have five toothbrush holders. Hope I can remember how to open them.

Since when did Walmart and the basic essentials become too complicated for me to figure out????

I think one of my husband's favorite quotes fits here: Kahn from Star Trek - "I'm laughing at the superior intellect."

Shannon